Behold the fearsome SOG Flash. There was a time when these were the apples of my eye. The Flash series comes in a variety of specs, all of which are cool in their own way.
I'm partial to the wicked-looking half-serrated, all-black TiNi (Titanium Nitrate) blade. There's even an amusing all-camo version in case you want to hide your knife in the jungle or something. But the piece de résistance of this family is the opening system called S.A.T. (SOG Assisted Technology). It is truly top-notch, flinging the blade open in a blink and locking it firmly into place. A secondary feature worth mentioning is the high-riding pocket clip. Because it's mounted high on the hilt, the knife sinks low in your pocket. Hence, the Flash stays stealthily and tastefully out of view.
I first fell in love with the Flash II (4.5" handle, 8" open). It is so weighty, so serious, so black and scary. But also, so big. The Flash II transcends pocketknife status and moves into — I don't know — call it a tool or even weaponry. It really is a mighty unit. But frankly, it's more knife than I was looking for. So I bought the SOG Flash I instead — sight unseen, as they say. I expected the Flash II's little brother; what I got was a fetus. The Flash loses its awesomeness when you shrink it by almost half. My hand cramped just trying to engage the admittedly kickass SAT. You know, some things can be shrunk to the point of impracticality.
I showed my new Flash I to a couple of my friends at a bar. One guy (I'll call him "Evan") couldn't even figure it out. So I took it away before Evan hurt himself. Then D-Rex gave it fondle and agreed: too small. The Flash I would be better suited to a petite-handed woman. Of course, that collides with the fact that women don't carry switchblade-like knives...at least, not the women I know. I will be selling the Flash I on ebay. It's a shame. The large Flash II is so boss; the mini-TiNi was a real disappointment.
7 comments:
Forget about the knife, how can I get one of those phones?
I used a pocket knife just like that one to circumcise my self while I was hunkered down in a foxhole back in 'Nam. Don't ask me why. Okay, I'll spill it. You see, we were engaged in some shoot-em-up with them Charlies, rice-dick sumbitches and Lorraine -- my M-16 -- wouldn't fire. Bitch! She got all jammed up on me and the like. What's a feller to do? Shut up and I'll tell ya, fuckspud. I did what I woulda done back home in Tulsa. I slapped that bitch and stuck it to her in the gas cap (if you know what I mean). Well, it was then that I realized that when it comes to modern weaponry, there's no need for a main sail (if you know what I mean). Long story short -- I cut that flappy shit off'n there, cauterized it with a little furniture vodka, and shazam! Purple, smoove and shiny. As for me and Lorraine, well, we still git into the slap and poke (if you know what I mean) but our love burns stronger than the sun of a thousand moonlit stars (if you know what I mean.)
I am a woman and I am very interested in buying that knife from you. Or perhaps we could work out some sort of, uh, trade. You know I can do some things that can't even be done with computer generated effects. Swing by my work some evening. I'm a "waitress" at this pub down by the wharf. My shift starts at midnight and have a beer. If I'm not too busy "serving" the customers, you might find me braiding cocktail straws with my tongue. I can also bend re-bar with my ass. Those are two bar tricks that consistently add a handsome some to my otherwise meager “salary.” Anyway, come on down. The beer is stale but it’s cheap. Ask for Pauline.
Hello lá, senhor amável. Esse olhares como uma faca muito esplêndida. Eu sou interessado e eu pagá-lo-ei muito por ela. Eu pagá-lo-ei mais do que essa mulher promiscuous que trabalha para baixo no cais. Eu sou pesaroso que eu não posso o pagar em dólares americanos porque onde eu venho de nossa moeda corrente é galinhas.
Robble robble robble robble robble. Robble, robble robble robble -- robble robble robble.
Robble! Robble: robble robble.
Hoch je ngoHta' 'oH qaSpa' retlh Sum belmoH HIvje'
DavID jajmey Hegh bIng yIn jaghpu' 'ach mIghtaHghach taHvIp
tlha' vaD reH QaQ SuD Dev ghaj ghaH nach
Daj tuq jIH Daq 'oH Hutlh Dev Qot yIn
legh muSHa'ghach chen jIH wIj pong ghobe' pagh Hergh
Dung tI yotlh Hemey ghuH Daq bom bommey chenqa' QaQtaHghach
DevwI' naQ qettaH chIch QIb DIchDaq DevwI' qa' naQ vIHHa'
DIch SopDaq chaH vegh Daq ngech yIt bIQmey joH'a'
SoH lij
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